Something I forgot to mention when describing the delivery of our daughter was this.
Imagine laying in a hospital bed hoping that the labor pains you have been experiencing will stop soon so your little girl can have a few more days to grow before entering the world, and your OB walks in and says…
I forgot to ask. Were you looking to also have a tubal during this surgery?
What!?!?! Ok. So, I know that this is probably not shocking to everyone, but I was floored that this question came across so nonchalant, so typical. We were not in a catholic hospital, so I know those procedures happen. And, one day, I might choose to have it done. But, it was so matter-of-fact. Are you ready to permanently stop your chances of pregnancy.
While I wasn’t sure if we would have any more children, I knew that I wasn’t ready, at that moment, to make a permanent decision.
We had our daughter, she went into the NICU (2 out of 3 babies in NICU – I’m not liking our odds here). Within a few weeks, you would never know that she wasn’t perfectly healthy when she came out. Same as both of her brothers – they are all amazing kids!
So, fast forward a few months. It is May 2012, and I was having really rough cycles. Not to get into graphic details, just know – really rough! So, I went to the OB, and his recommendation was to go on a low-dose birth control pill to see if that would help to fix the issue.
Birth Control Pill? I’m not sure I want the pill. Are there any other options that keep fertility as a monthly option?
Not from his perspective. Plus, the pill isn’t permanent. You can stop at any time.
Ok. I was sold. I left with a prescription and called my husband. Before filling it, we discussed what we wanted to do. We weren’t trying for another baby, but we weren’t really stopping it from happening. We were leaving it up to God to make that decision. It wasn’t our decision to make.
He was on board with me fixing my problem, but he wasn’t keen on the pill. He was still hoping to add to our family, and knew this would significantly reduce our chances. The pills are like 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. Not quite what we were looking for. But, our daughter was still very young – only 5-6 months old, so he agreed that we should try it for a while.
To be clear – the pill worked. My cycles were significantly better and I was truly relieved. But, we still wanted to have the option to have more children. And, not from a greedy place of – we want more – but from a blessed place of – If God wants us to add to our family, how do we say “no” to Him?
Just after Christmas, we talked about stopping the pill. I had been on it for several months, so hopefully there would be some lasting effect to keep my cycles easier to handle. To be clear – there is no lasting effect. Ugh!
Oh yeah, and on our daughter’s first birthday, I broke my foot, so I was in a boot for several months. Kind of hard to want to “try” with a big boot on my foot. But, by January, it was feeling better and by February, the boot was off and I was done taking the pill.
While we weren’t sure of the outcome, we were hopeful. God had blessed us with three amazing little ones here on Earth, and another little one we will meet someday in Heaven. If He wanted us to be done, then He was going to need to make that decision. We were open to his answer. And, truthfully, we were hoping that He would say Yes!