God is good – Always! And, when I say always, I mean always. God’s greatness is not wrapped up in any outcome / any result. God’s greatness is beyond measure.
Psalm 18:30 (CEB): God! His way is perfect; the Lord’s word is tried and true. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.
Why am I writing about this? And, why now?
Remember the night I broke down? I came home and wrapped my arms around my sister and cried. As we stood there, I said –
“I know God has a plan. But, what if His plan is not healing Paul? What if Paul doesn’t wake up? I trust God. I believe in Him and know He will make beauty out of any crisis. Can we please pray that whatever God’s plan is today, that He makes His plan a full recovery for Paul?”
So, we prayed. We prayed for God’s plan to be Paul’s full recovery. We prayed that God would provide all of us with His “peace beyond understanding.” And, we continued praying boldly.
Boldly for healing.
Boldly for God’s plan to be complete recovery.
Boldly for peace…
Philippians 4:6-7 (GNB): Don’t worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking him with a thankful heart. And God’s peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus.
As Paul and I were heading to dialysis yesterday, we talked about this. We discussed God’s greatness – and how that wouldn’t change even if Paul didn’t “wake up.” How we prayed boldly for God’s plan to be for Paul’s complete recovery, but that was never guaranteed.
Regardless – God is now and always will be faithful, all-knowing, all-powerful and ever-loving.
It probably seems easy for me to share this now considering we have come out of the darkest hours of this journey. Please know I wanted to share this earlier, but there was a part of me that was fearful to write this down. I know that may seem quite silly (and I feel silly writing it), but there was part of me that didn’t want to put that down as I felt it would have been me giving up on Him. Giving into my fears of what might come and focusing on a negative outcome. So, while I didn’t write it, I was so very thankful for my sister to be able to talk about it.
I am also very thankful that God helped me keep my eyes and vision on Paul’s complete healing. Whenever my mind would shift to something other than that, I felt a gentle nudge away from those thoughts.
During one of our recent conversations, Paul asked where I would have buried him. (I hope you never have to have that conversation with your loved ones!!). I was able to share – my mind NEVER went there. When I would think of any part of my life without Paul, God would gently bring me back to full healing. He would show me walking out of the hospital with Paul, hand-in-hand, coming home to our children.
I have a few friends in the middle of deep crises right now. Their outcomes are definitely not positive. We have been praying for God’s peace beyond understanding to help them through these difficult times. I also received the best advice from a friend a few years ago that fits during times like these.
Cry out to God. Tell Him how you feel. Yell about the situation.
God can handle your anger. God knows your pain.
He is crying with you and for you.
Psalm 23:4 (NLT): Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
While I cannot say that I didn’t ever fear, I did always know that God would see us through that valley – regardless of the outcome.
We are forever grateful for Your amazing blessings and miracles in healing Paul. You have healed his mind, his heart, his lungs, his liver, his skin. You have already started the healing of his kidneys. You woke him up with a prayerful and thankful heart – seeking a closer relationship with You.
That said, Your greatness is not dependent on that outcome. You are ALWAYS great! You are ALWAYS faithful. You will help each of us come through the darkest valleys and see something beautiful come out of the chaos. And, You are ALWAYS with us!
Father, please stay close to those who are in the middle of those valleys. Please hold them in Your Arms and help them to feel Your Presence. Please help them to know Your peace beyond understanding.
In Jesus’ Name,