While to the outside world, I may not have been the nicest of people, on the inside, I was in my own personal Heaven! Have you ever seen the pregnant woman who cannot keep her hands off of her belly? She keeps rubbing it and rubbing it and you wonder how long is she going to keep doing that…
Hi! Nice to meet you!
I mean, seriously, after you wait for so long and try over and over and hear No after No, you start to question if it can happen. So, when it finally does, you want to cherish EVERY MOMENT!!!
Just my opinion, but I do believe that women who struggle (however long or hard that is) to get pregnant, they seem to more intently enjoy the blessing of being pregnant. Maybe not all the time. And, for those that really know me, I know I wasn’t always singing God’s praises for blessing us with this HUGE baby growing inside of me. But, more often than not, women who struggle seem to see God’s hand a little more clearly when blessed with a child.
At least I did. I remember feeling like I could rub my belly and my child would feel my love. I would hold my stomach like I was holding my child. When I stood, I would sway back and forth to give the little one a swim :). And I kept this up until I delivered.
Now, the title of this post is growing, growing, growing, oh my! for a reason. When we finally got pregnant, we didn’t know if we would ever be blessed with more children. So, I thought the only thing to do was to make the most of this moment. And, when I say make the most of the moment, I mean eat as much as I possibly could, try every sweet thing (which is funny because I normally would prefer chips and salsa over a dessert) and lay around and do nothing. And I mean NOTHING!
When I was nearing the end of the 40 weeks, it was the Christmas season. I remember walking through the mall and people would get out of my way because they thought I would go into labor at any second. See, pregnancy at Christmas has it’s benefits!
And, when I say I was HUGE, that is an understatement! I know girls aren’t supposed to talk about their weight, but…
When I got pregnant, as I mentioned, I was going to yoga several times per week. I was in the best shape of my life. I’m just shy of 5’8″ and I was a lean & fit 145lbs. While I had weighed less in my life, I was never that fit.
Two days before I went into the hospital, I was topping the scales at a whopping 215lbs!!! Yes, that’s right, I gained 70lbs. And, when you do the math, that’s almost 9lbs per month. I mean really, what was I thinking???
And, there are probably women who gain that much weight who cannot control it for hormonal, physical, genetic reasons. Let me just say, that was NOT my issue. Ice cream, tootsie rolls, cookies, shakes, smoothies, anything sweet – that was my issue.
Please know – I do not condone my behavior. Especially now that I learn about all the challenges I could have been causing my child to have. Plus, since I failed my one hour sugar test, I needed to take the three hour test. I only truly passed one of those three hours. (not to mention the 5 hour test I failed 6 months after he was born because my body was not used to eating healthy foods anymore).
The other challenge with gaining that much weight, at least for me, is that I was helping my child grow, and grow, and grow, and grow. When he was born, he was 10lbs, 6ozs!!!
Thankfully, after several hours of pushing, my OB decided it was time for a c-section. While it wasn’t my first choice (I went into the hospital wanting a natural birth – no drugs at all), it was still perfect. After the surgery, they wheel you into a room to let the anesthesia wear off. When I finally got to my room, the brought him immediately in, and I held him for the longest time. During those hours, I just looked at the amazing little creature God had blessed us with. He was perfect! Really, he was and is truly perfect.
See, what I have learned through that experience, and seeing our little baby continue to grow into a little guy, is that God didn’t want us to just have any baby. He had a plan for us. There was a special baby that He had planned as our 1st child. And, no other child would be that child that He was going to send.
God always has a plan. It is a perfect plan. We just need to trust it. When we do, we need to trust it with 100% of our being. We need to give it to Him and truly, fully let go. And, there are no guarantees. Even if it is what we want, and we want it so badly, it might not be in His plans. I know I felt that for a long time! And my long time was much shorter than many others long time. Many are still waiting and praying and hoping.
Please know that God hears your heart! He hears your hopes and He hears your hurt! He is not ignoring you. He has a plan that is beyond anything our minds can think or our hearts can feel. And, He asks us to trust in Him and be patient…
Psalms 37:5-7 (GNB): Give yourself to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will help you; He will make your righteousness shine like the noonday sun. Be patient and wait for the Lord to act…
He has a plan. A better plan that we can imagine. He doesn’t want to give any old blessing, He has a specific blessing, for each of us, and He is looking forward to giving it to us and watching our faces as we unwrap it. A very special, one of a kind, only for us, present.
1 Corinthians 2:9 (GNB): However, as the scripture says: “What no one ever saw or heard, what no one ever thought could happen, is the very thing God prepared for those who love Him.”
Beyond our thoughts, beyond our imagination, He has a plan. He has prepared an amazing gift for us. We just need to be patient, wait for it to come, and know that it might not be what we thought we wanted, but it will be perfect.