In my last post, I shared that I am in search of and still cannot find peace. Soon thereafter, I had several friends and family members reach out to ensure I am doing okay. Then, I spent the past few days with dear friends at a conference who were also concerned. I wanted to share with you all what I shared with them.
Missing Peace does not mean Missing Joy
While I am in search of peace, I am still very joyful. And, I have so very much to be joyful about:
- I am married to my best friend who God chose to bring into my life and keep in my life
- We have three amazing children here on Earth, and two little ones in Heaven we pray for and will hold one day
- They are happy and healthy and active and… too many words
- Both of our parents are here and relatively healthy which is wonderful considering they are all in their late 60s
- We are surrounded by other family and friends (both near & far) who are willing to do anything for us / with us
- I am blessed to have an amazing team of individuals I have the privilege of working with to serve the greater purpose of our organization
- God has brought me together with many other Christians in the organization and we support and pray for each other
- And on, and on, and on…
Many of you know, when I say I am not at peace, it is because my peace is tied so tightly to my purpose. And, I do not feel that I am fulfilling God’s purpose for my life here on Earth.
Why do I say that? Because Jesus told us what God wants us to do:
Matthew 28:19-20 (ESV): “…Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
See, Jesus tells us that it is up to us to bring others into the Kingdom of God. And, I feel that is my calling; that is my purpose here on Earth. I believe that so very much that when a colleague from work asked,
“If money was no object and you could do anything for the rest of your life, what would you do?”
Without hesitation I replied,
“I would preach the Gospel.”
And, that is why I am not at peace. I know that it is what I am called to do, and I know that I am not equipped to do it, but God will equip me.
But, I am scared because I do not know what that means. Am I doing it already, or does He want more?
I have started (or restarted) doing more:
- Blogging – I have started writing again which means I am spending more time, more purposeful time reading the Bible
- Teaching – I am teaching my middle son’s Religious Education class. This is the year the students make their First Reconciliation and their First Communion.
- Personal Prayer – I am spending more time in prayer for God’s guidance for my life. And, I am trying to be quiet to hear His reply.
What’s amazing about teaching the 2nd grade Religious Education class is the first half is all about God’s love for us, His desire to be in close relationship with us, and His Grace and Forgiveness when we stray. Amen!
Last point… When I say that I do not find myself worthy or see myself through God’s eyes, it is because I can see others who need more than I need (those suffering with cancer, infertility, etc.). I see others who are doing more for the Body of Christ (preaching, writing, sharing, etc.). So, when I pray, I spend more time praying for their needs, for their discipleship, for their journey. What I am coming to realize is that, when I focus solely on their needs and not on what God desires for my life, I am not fulfilling His plans for my life.
I come to You today in thanksgiving! Thank You for Your patience, Your forgiveness, Your love. Thank You for all You do each and every day – seen and unseen – to help each one of us achieve Your plans for our lives.
Today, Lord, I BOLDLY ask for Your Divine Guidance. Help my eyes to see, my ears to hear and my heart to receive Your plans for my life. Help me to see where I am meeting Your plans, and where I am falling short. Help me to see myself through Your eyes – to not minimize or maximize.
Father, I also ask for You to replace my human fear with Your peace beyond understanding. Your plans for my life are far better than anything I can imagine. I ask for Your help as I let go of control and give it all to You.
In Your Holy Name,