Have you ever asked God for something, it came true, and then you asked God “Why did You do this?”
I know that may seem silly – of course you wouldn’t do that…right? Well, I have recently had his experience.
As you may have read in previous posts, we are proud parents of three little ones on Earth and two in Heaven. Considering we were told we would not likely have children on our own, five natural pregnancies is nothing short of miraculous! We are truly a blessed family!
So, what did I ask God for and then question why He made that decision?
After losing our last pregnancy, it had taken a significant toll on my emotional and spiritual health. Losing that child is the main reason why I started blogging – to help put my feelings into words. To help me process all that had happened, and focus on the amazing blessings instead of the losses.
With that said, I was still very sad. So, for several months, I would pray to God – asking for an answer to whether or not we should try to have another child. I was open to whatever God had in store for us. Whatever He wanted, I was ready. The prayer sounded something like…
Please help us through this difficult time. We need to focus on the amazing blessings here with us on Earth that You have entrusted to us. My heart and mind are often wandering to what is next for our family. I know You can move mountains – I have seen it with my own eyes in what You have done for our family.
Lord, I ask of You. Please help us to know what is next. If You want us to add to our family, please make that known. If not, please make that known, too. I am struggling because this is not my decision to make and I don’t want to keep “taking it back.” I give this decision fully to You.
In Jesus’ Name,
I prayed a prayer like this over and over and over again. For months, I would find myself coming back to this…until about two months ago.
What happened two months ago?
I went to the doctor and found out I was starting menopause…
Menopause? What? I am only 37. How can I be in menopause? There must be a different answer. There must be some other reason. I can’t be in menopause. That means…no more babies…
Even as I write those words, tears fill my eyes.
It took me several weeks to come to grips with my “diagnosis”. I was struggling. Why did this happen? And then it hit me…
This is What I Had Been Asking God for…An Answer!
He sent me my answer. We were not to add to our family anymore, we could stop worrying about what’s next in the baby department and start focusing on what’s next for our entire family – the one we already had.
This was an answer to my prayer. He made the answer known. I guess the hardest part was, at the time, I wasn’t 100% certain I liked the answer.
As the few months have passed since my diagnosis, and a few weeks since I realized this was God answering my prayer, I have come to terms with it. I am very thankful that God made the decision known and that we can move forward from that stage in our lives and focus on the next stage of our family.
Matthew 7:7 ESV: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
John 15:7 ESV: If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
Thank You for answering our prayer. This decision was always Yours to make, and we thank You for letting Your answer be known. I am sorry I did not recognize Your gift in this decision. Your answer was a gift for us, as we can now move forward fully knowing Your plan for us and for our family. Lord, we thank You for the many blessings You have given to us. We pray You help us focus on the abundance You have already provided.
In Jesus’ Name I pray,